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Amy – page 4

Oh, Im so sleepy

Oh, I'm so sleepy

The staff at the vet was so kind, staying well past the normal closing and patiently allowing us to move through the process at our own speed. Growing up as the son of a small town doctor, I realize emergencies come up often yet one needs one’s personal life. After it was over, they gave us some pins with cats that had angel wings and halos on them, as well as some small toys to take home for Kelly. We talked for a bit. I mentioned being a vet would be harder than being a regular doctor because the patients have such shorter lives. Dr. Grassie disagreed because when nothing is fixable, the difference between humans and pets is you can do the ‘humane’ thing in the end. I am eternally grateful to Dr. Grassie, Stephanie, and the staff at the VCA animal clinic for helping us through this.

There is something in the breeze

There is something in the breeze

We stood in the parking lot for a few minutes. The night air was cold. Autumn leaves fluttered about. I felt a dark sense of death between what we had just experienced and what nature was doing around us as winter approached. Dr. Grassie came out with her 19 year old Siamese cat in a cage. The animal seemed healthy in spite of its age and the loss of one eye.

Dad! Its raining - make it stop!

Dad! It's raining - make it stop!

Wednesday we buried Amy in our yard with a can of her favorite food, a couple of her favorite toys, a sprig of catnip, and my old ragged sweatshirt she was fond of chewing on when she sat on my chest.

One of her favorite toys

One of her favorite toys

We are, of course, devastated in grief right now. I know in time it will pass. I also feel angry and guilty. I am angry at life for taking such a beautiful soul. I feel guilty that I could not save her or protect my wife from the pain she is now experiencing.  I have finally gotten to the point where when I am reminded of Maggie; I mostly smile, only occasionally getting sad when I open a can of chicken. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to bake a turkey. Maggie loved food.

Boxes can be so much fun!

Boxes can be so much fun!

After our previous cat passed away I thought long and hard before getting this set. The final day is always so intense; it stays in your mind forever. You spend their whole lives trying to protect them. Towards the end, I was so protective of Amy I wouldn’t let her outside the barrier because she couldn’t hear. She mostly didn’t seem to care but there was one day recently where she seemed to want to and I suppose I will always feel like I should have let her. We still let Kelly out for walks but we stay with her. She seems content to walk the perimeter of the yard with us.

Oh, this is such a warm spot

Oh, this is such a warm spot

It’s hard to believe it was only a few days ago Amy came in obviously spunky from the cool weather. I dangled her toy mouse in front of her knowing full well the tail was too short and sure enough, she nailed me. My wife wound up a mechanical mouse and she knocked it off the table. Knocking things off a table was also a favorite pastime of Amy’s. She rolled on the floor and gently attacked my hand on her stomach.

I love catnip!

I love catnip!

The only thing more painful than my personal sense of loss is watching my wife grieve. When Amy tried to wake us up, I more often than not, would either just try to ignore it or sometimes put her out of the bedroom and close the door. My wife would usually try to get her to settle next to us and sleep or eventually just get up with her as a good mom would do. I’m not sure if our cat Kelly realizes what has happened or merely senses our emotions, but she is spending more time around us than usual.

One of her favorite spots to nap

One of her favorite spots to nap

We have occasionally discussed the issue of getting more pets after Kelly passes. We both have had some sort of pet most of our lives. I have often thought living with non-humans gives life more perspective or something. Unfortunately, we are at the age where if we got new kittens, we would eventually be old people trying to care for old cats. There was an incident a couple months back where I got up with Amy to try to let my wife sleep in. I closed the bedroom door and went to make coffee only to realize Amy was crying at the bedroom door. I grabbed some string to get her to play. I wasn’t quite awake and she moved so quickly I tripped and fell barely managing to avoid squishing her. I don’t think I hurt her but she avoided me for a little while, and then quickly returned to her normal affectionate self. I was sore for a couple days having chosen to land hard on my left side to try to miss her.

Working on the computer is so exhausting!

Working on the computer is so exhausting!

I know in my heart, if we eventually get new pets we will love them too. We love our Kelly and being the last surviving cat of the group we realize we probably don’t have a lot of time left with her as well. One thing I know for certain is they are all unique. There will never be another Amy.